iTY

iTY

i thank you,
i found something special in you, and all that you are,
i love how when i see u, i smile and i see us going O so far,
with a reality in you, i dont know what to do,
you are pure perfection, deserving of all the worlds affection,
just the thought of you points me in the right direction,
you astound and profound, i dont know what to do when ur not around, i hope youre aware at the love i haver for you, and how much i care, i dare u to find another, you cant for you are my wife, my life, together we are non other, i think of your beuty, u are my muse my inspiration, you are my cutie, now and forever i love thee, and yuou make me as light as a feather, and for that i thank you.....

Not For Me......

NOT FOR ME

Maybe love is not for me,
At this time perhaps its not my goal,
I know im meant for more,
Yet I feel incomplete and all I want to do is be whole,
I feel like somethings missing,
All I want is to feel true kissing,
Again and Again,
I put myself out there and all I have is friends,
That’s not my fault,
Yet its not what I thought,
What do I do,
When all I want is you,
YOU, to see me,
For all that I be,
YOU, to understand,
YOU, to hold my hand,
See my intricacies,
And care for me (perhaps love) for all that I can be,
Im not much now,
But ive seen the light,
And at night, I look to the stars, and the heavens and ask that I do right,
Do right by YOU,
Yet here on earth no one understands,
Not even a few,
Im LONE, A-LONE,
One of a kind, never possibly cloned,
So Im not what your used to,
Im nothing like what you knew,
Nothing that you’ve known,
Im just questioning life,
Trying to figure out my goals,
Figure out my fate,
Life is long, but I have the feeling it may be too late,
What do I do?
Who do I ask,
I’ve gone to school, learned your ways, gotten A’s in your class,
Now its time for me to school you,
I tried to learn, you tried to show me what to do,
Now its time for me to come up,
Time to find my way.
What do I do? How do I do it? How do I get you to understand?
What do I say?
All I know is there is no written path for me,
Time to forge a way.

Sad & Happy (Pt. 2)

Sad and Happy Too2
Sad and Happy: My Life to TOO 2

Throughout my life I life I have been SAD and HAPPY,

Beaten and Praised,

Raped and hated,

Because of being blazed I went through a majority of my life glazed,

I did this in order to compensate for the memories I can not face,

My mind is blank tape that has been erased,

I had to,

Or I did so at least subconsciously,

For let me ask you how I could be a real man and feel disgrace,

People claim they see it in my face,

So I left my past behind without a trace,

I have been shot at,

Abused,

Content and confused,

Manic and panicked,

Entranced and romanced,

Slashed, bashed and trashed on,

Complimented and humiliated,

Influenced and raised with out a biological family,

A truth I have grown to live with daily,

So I grew up differently,

Simply,

Humbly,

So when I met others just like me,

We became one another’s family,

What fueled me was the thought that do no one unique grew up classically,

So since day one I started out fighting for what I believed,
but I got tired of my dreams,
for the past 19years I’ve won or been defeated,

That’s still a long bout with associated by insomnia,

For me it’s brought on a permanent paranoia,

Most look at me like I am a schizophrenic loner,

Raised by music books and television,

I have always lived alone,

Forced to make my decisions most of my life is do or die,

You judge my life and say you apologize,

Young females say they cry,

You would see 90% Happiness and only 10% torture,

Yet because I express myself you see me as a lyrical whore,

And

If it was that bad I would take my only outlet of homicidal tendencies times four,

And then I would turn them against me,

Please trust I’ve had suicidal dreams,

Desires and wishes,

Drastic attempts denied,

For I was born to survive,

Destined to influence life,

For I was inspired by Eminem,

And 50 cent who’s words in my psyche have made a dent,

There the typical persona and stigmatic “personality” you would see in me,

But before you conclude this

What about MLK,

Helen Keller,

As well as Gandhi,

Chuck close,

Van Gough, and his boy Pablo Picasso,

Mozart puts me to sleep,

He was my only nanny,

In the future I will reshape the game,

Beethoven will be my main inspiration and the hook that earns you the much deserved first Grammy,

So don’t look at me as uneducated and grimey,

Just because I wear baggy pants,

Try to use your mind to see past that,

So that you can see me,

No not the difference,

Most live their life by instilling strict boundaries,

What you consider “abnormalities” is just me giving you the respect of being unique,

I have just grown up differently,

And we doesn’t mean nothing,

So open you mind,

And take the hate out of your eyes see past the lies,

You’ll see me no one has yet,

I don’t mind the fact I am all alone,

I close my eyes,

This takes me to “my place”

So while in solitude I rome my dome all alone,

Like normal.

Lovingly UnSpoken (1)

Lovingly: Unspoken (1)

Lovingly: Unspoken I look at you silently, You look at me enticingly, I feel the need to look away, It is your eyes, They are visually mesmerizing me, Tempting, Tantalizing me, Your demeanor is that of a sinning innocence, There is a difference in you that I see, Regardless of your prior situations you need to be with me, Your current situation makes no difference to me, You and me need to see what the deal is between you and me, With a shape that is enticing and so exciting, Yet it is your demeanor and mentality that truly has gotten to me, Frightening me, Exciting me, Captivating my interest instantly and intensely, More that when the screams and yells bring about the appearance of Gyika, This whole situation is more shocking to me than when a nun kisses and tells society, You definitely seem to be an angel that came into my life ironically, True, But that fact non the less is an undeniability, Now weather or not my words and feelings are understood for their true meaning and intensity, I will put it to you simply, If I ever dispense the non sense and I build up the confidence to share with you not stare at you, And if I could honestly present you with the proposition of being my boo, And if my words thoughts and feelings are presented for you to see, Read, Or hear, Please know they are true, And if you have any questions, Look in my eyes as you did on our first encounter, And you will see that I can’t help but think about you, And that is forthright and honest, Todo y Siempre is true.

I Did 2 Day?

I DId 2 Day
I did 2day I slit my wrist today, I used a blade, it tore my skin, the sweetest sin, you have no Idea what ive done, or where ive been, is there really a need for me to say more?, I know I did it to become free, to be released from all the pain I felt so frequently, that’s the truth, believe me, Ive seen my future and its undesireable to me, I apologize ive asked for help and then it came down to this, I am sorry...

Sad and Happy Too 2

"Sad and Happy Too2
Sad and Happy: My Life to TOO 2"

Throughout my life I life I have been SAD and HAPPY,

Beaten and Praised,

Raped and hated,

Because of being blazed I went through a majority of my life glazed,

I did this in order to compensate for the memories I can not face,

My mind is blank tape that has been erased,

I had to,

Or I did so at least subconsciously,

For let me ask you how I could be a real man and feel disgrace,

People claim they see it in my face,

So I left my past behind without a trace,

I have been shot at,

Abused,

Content and confused,

Manic and panicked,

Entranced and romanced,

Slashed, bashed and trashed on,

Complimented and humiliated,

Influenced and raised with out a biological family,

A truth I have grown to live with daily,

So I grew up differently,

Simply,

Humbly,

So when I met others just like me,

We became one another’s family,

What fueled me was the thought that do no one unique grew up classically,

So since day one I started out fighting for what I believed,
but I got tired of my dreams,
for the past 19years I’ve won or been defeated,

That’s still a long bout with associated by insomnia,

For me it’s brought on a permanent paranoia,

Most look at me like I am a schizophrenic loner,

Raised by music books and television,

I have always lived alone,

Forced to make my decisions most of my life is do or die,

You judge my life and say you apologize,

Young females say they cry,

You would see 90% Happiness and only 10% torture,

Yet because I express myself you see me as a lyrical whore,

And

If it was that bad I would take my only outlet of homicidal tendencies times four,

And then I would turn them against me,

Please trust I’ve had suicidal dreams,

Desires and wishes,

Drastic attempts denied,

For I was born to survive,

Destined to influence life,

For I was inspired by Eminem,

And 50 cent who’s words in my psyche have made a dent,

There the typical persona and stigmatic “personality” you would see in me,

But before you conclude this

What about MLK,

Helen Keller,

As well as Gandhi,

Chuck close,

Van Gough, and his boy Pablo Picasso,

Mozart puts me to sleep,

He was my only nanny,

In the future I will reshape the game,

Beethoven will be my main inspiration and the hook that earns you the much deserved first Grammy,

So don’t look at me as uneducated and grimey,

Just because I wear baggy pants,

Try to use your mind to see past that,

So that you can see me,

No not the difference,

Most live their life by instilling strict boundaries,

What you consider “abnormalities” is just me giving you the respect of being unique,

I have just grown up differently,

And we doesn’t mean nothing,

So open you mind,

And take the hate out of your eyes see past the lies,

You’ll see me no one has yet,

I don’t mind the fact I am all alone,

I close my eyes,

This takes me to “my place”

So while in solitude I rome my dome all alone,

Like normal.
Throughout my life I life I have been SAD and HAPPY,

Beaten and Praised,

Raped and hated,

Because of being blazed I went through a majority of my life glazed,

I did this in order to compensate for the memories I can not face,

My mind is blank tape that has been erased,

I had to,

Or I did so at least subconsciously,

For let me ask you how I could be a real man and feel disgrace,

People claim they see it in my face,

So I left my past behind without a trace,

I have been shot at,

Abused,

Content and confused,

Manic and panicked,

Entranced and romanced,

Slashed, bashed and trashed on,

Complimented and humiliated,

Influenced and raised with out a biological family,

A truth I have grown to live with daily,

So I grew up differently,

Simply,

Humbly,

So when I met others just like me,

We became one another’s family,

What fueled me was the thought that do no one unique grew up classically,

So since day one I started out fighting for what I believed,
but I got tired of my dreams,
for the past 19years I’ve won or been defeated,

That’s still a long bout with associated by insomnia,

For me it’s brought on a permanent paranoia,

Most look at me like I am a schizophrenic loner,

Raised by music books and television,

I have always lived alone,

Forced to make my decisions most of my life is do or die,

You judge my life and say you apologize,

Young females say they cry,

You would see 90% Happiness and only 10% torture,

Yet because I express myself you see me as a lyrical whore,

And

If it was that bad I would take my only outlet of homicidal tendencies times four,

And then I would turn them against me,

Please trust I’ve had suicidal dreams,

Desires and wishes,

Drastic attempts denied,

For I was born to survive,

Destined to influence life,

For I was inspired by Eminem,

And 50 cent who’s words in my psyche have made a dent,

There the typical persona and stigmatic “personality” you would see in me,

But before you conclude this

What about MLK,

Helen Keller,

As well as Gandhi,

Chuck close,

Van Gough, and his boy Pablo Picasso,

Mozart puts me to sleep,

He was my only nanny,

In the future I will reshape the game,

Beethoven will be my main inspiration and the hook that earns you the much deserved first Grammy,

So don’t look at me as uneducated and grimey,

Just because I wear baggy pants,

Try to use your mind to see past that,

So that you can see me,

No not the difference,

Most live their life by instilling strict boundaries,

What you consider “abnormalities” is just me giving you the respect of being unique,

I have just grown up differently,

And we doesn’t mean nothing,

So open you mind,

And take the hate out of your eyes see past the lies,

You’ll see me no one has yet,

I don’t mind the fact I am all alone,

I close my eyes,

This takes me to “my place”

So while in solitude I rome my dome all alone,

Like normal.

"Now and Later"

"Now and Later"

Maybe I am just scared,

I see people moving forward,

And subconsciously I am standing still,

Not scared to move forward but in fear if I fail,

Yet also some times imp scared of success,

Not sure if I can keep up with all the hard work and stress,

To fail is easy,

To be moderate is ok,

I want to be different,

I don’t just want to settle or just be ok,

I desire,

No I require to be in the top 10%,

Maybe I live in fear that I will never see that day,

That’s why I want to kill myself now,

Scared of despair in the future,

Because if I don’t reach my goals sometime in my life I will slit my throat,

Cut my wrists,

Cutting out my heart,

Sending it to my mother as an apology and a gift,

So why wait all that time to strive,

Work hard,

And just to fail,

I used to have dreams but they’ve been shut down,

Clowned,

Even by my parents I was mentally molested and intellectually raped,

Even my friends think I am stupid,

I know,

They tell me so,

They look at me as if mentally challenged,

All around slow,

I have been broken early in life,

So I stuff and hide everything in my mind,

Even though I am rugged and fierce at times,

Remembering at times not to let anyone break my balls,

So I set up walls,

But to the people I “TRUST”,

My friends and my family,

I have let them in at times,

All they do is beat and taunt me,

Things said and done,

Documented with a photographic memory,

They stick in my mind suppressed and always haunting me.